E is for excitement, edge of seat, Edgbaston, exorcism, elation, and Economics (sorry, the last one is me thinking what I need to teach Year 12 this morning).
Let's start with excitement.
Many bleary eyed people will be waking up to the exciting news that they've been waiting for since 2019... That's right! Swifty is touring Straya again early next year. The buzz has been tantamount to watching a chimney in the Vatican looking for white smoke! While I encourage entertainment of all forms to enter our shores, the only benefit I see from this is the tourist dollars that Australia will receive from New Zealander Tay-Tay fans coming to Melbourne and Sydney after she has SNUBBED the Land of the Long White Cloud. Readers, let's see if we can get the hashtag #taylorhatesNZ trending.
In all serious though, I only stumbled upon this because I was trying to download the commentary highlights of Mr. Fujitsu himself. I have been ribbed regularly and well for my love of the great man, but let's compare his post cricket ventures compared to other previous Aussie Test Captains (at least since 1971):
- Ian Chappell = do I need to refer to my earliest post of "The Longest Feud"? Seriously, how did AB earn the nickname "Captain Grumpy" when this guy was fresh in everyone's memory?
- Greg Chappell = let's go beyond the underarm incident as that occurred while captain, but his reputation was definitely tarnished when he became coach of India. The wedge between admin and players still has ramifications now on how the BCCI deal with the players and allow Sachin and MSD to profit so much through the proceeds of gambling, while as players and beyond.
- Kim Hughes = respect. teacher in WA, although ultimately remembered
for this. Again, should be disregarded as technically captain at the time.
- Allan Border = this is why he is less grumpy since retiring.
Enjoy!- Steve Waugh = my views on him are controversial. He has had family issues since leaving the game and has ultimately tried to distance himself since, so respect given. I do also like his passion for photography.
- Adam Gilchrist = I have loved Gilly ever since he took a group of 15 year olds at UNE for a cricket clinic and taught them the art of dominating timid bowling. The sho-po's I was with thought "who's this guy? He's not even as good as Phil Emery to be NSW keeper". I saw a cricket crush. A left hander that was giving me licence to play my shots. I think his work for Fox and then the Big Bash is sound too - but he only barely qualifies for this list as a 6 test captain.
- To save time; Ricky Ponting, Mini Ponting (Clarke), and Watson (1 Test) all fit under the same umbrella. Quality cricketers, horrible captains, and embarrassing off the pitch post-cricket. Of the 3, here's
my favourite post cricket exploit. Though Clarke has positioned himself well for a reality series in the near future: Heartaches and Hamstrings.
E is for Edgbaston. What an extraordinary cricket venue for an unextraordinary city.
Birmingham. On the surface, it may be true, but having been there in 2011, I actually really like it. The next thing to do is attend an Ashes test there. No other test venue in England has provided as many miracles. I think I actually may create a petition to Ollie (The Pope) to have the ground renamed to 'Saint Edgbaston'. The Vatican decrees that a 'blessed' can become a saint with 2 miracles. For mine, Edgbaston has now hosted 3. 1981, 2005 and 2023. Time (and free periods) are against me but I highly recommend English fans to revisit the first 2 (the 3rd might be too raw, too early for some), but it also explains why this test victory was so important - more on this with "exorcism".
1981 "The forgotten miracle"
2005 "The miracle of Birmingham"
2023 "Elation at Edgbaston"
E is for exorcism. For those who sat through the final day of the second Ashes Test in 2005, the win in 2023 goes along way to making amends for that time 18 years ago. Back then, England pulled off a dramatic victory at Edgbaston, winning by the second narrowest margin in Test history - two runs - to level the series in what has been dubbed "one of the greatest matches of all time". The rear guard back then was provide by Shane Warne (RIP), Michael Kasprowicz and Brett Lee. Their fightback gathered momentum on the last morning and nobody had expected the contest to go down to the wire when play resumed with Australia facing a mountainous 107 with two wickets remaining. The King gave the Green Caps hope with a battling
42 (the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything), to put on 45 for the ninth wicket with Lee. Then Warne trod on his stumps to a Flintoff delivery that was full and going down leg, with Australia still requiring 62, victory was England's for the taking. Just as Warne and Lee had, so Kasprowicz and Lee took their opportunities to score and it rattled England. They took a liking to the spin offering of Ashley Giles, collecting 13 off one of his overs. As Kasprowicz was clattering the ball to the boundary, Australia could be forgiven for suddenly thinking that Glenn McGrath's injury wasn't such a bad thing after all. But with 3 runs to win, Welsh keeper, G. Jones, clung on to a catch provided by Kasprowicz off Steve Harmison at the death and England had levelled the series 1-1.
And with the exorcism of Edgbaston ghosts, comes elation. What I would have given to be a fly on the wall of the dressing sheds on Tuesday evening to hear Gazza belt out "Under the Southern Cross". For the kiddies, here's a CA sanitised version.
There's a reason why these matches are called 'tests'. The competition that spans five days and up to 30 hours of play is truly that - a test of physical strength, intestinal fortitude, mental toughness, focus, discipline, and something else pretty important I'm sure. And that's just watching it - imagine being one of the 22 players from this battle. I often hear critics of the game, particularly the 5 day format, and while I enjoy T20 and occasionally take my eldest to the SCG to watch a couple, for me, I will always love Tests - even the bad ones. Because sometimes, its not just about the cricket. I've never played a 5 day test, and entering my 46th year, I'm unlikely to. I don't know what's like to concentrate for that long, even as a spectator. When I'm at the New Year's test (the best 2 and a half days of rain-free cricket in Australia) I do not watch 450 overs of red ball cricket. I'm catch up with friends, I'm bowling bouncers at kids (sometimes my own) out the back of the MA Noble Stand (The Rawalpindi Express videos have been really helpful with this endeavour), I'm coming up with business ideas (ZeroAlc Beer) and solving Australia's housing problems through private equity intervention as the government has been clearly unsuccessful with their policies. But all of this is done through the avenue of longer form cricket.
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| More on the only man to miss a test due to genital warts in future posts. |
Now, the cricket world is counting down the week until we head to Lord's for the Second Test as we ring in the new financial year that has the hallmarks of being dismal due to T-Swizzle fans going to multiple concerts, spending up big on merch, and then dropping $15 per Bacardi breezer at the stadium (kids still drink those, right?), all the while pushing up inflation unnecessarily and causing rates to continue to climb (angry face emoji).
See you on the 28th.
JT
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