So many things rolling through my head for this one.
Let's start with Dukes. How often do these balls need to be changed per inning?
I believe the Office of Fair Trading UK is the equivalent to the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission and if they're anything like the ACCC, when you purchase an item, say a cricket ball, that is reported to last for 480 deliveries (80 overs of 6 balls) and it doesn't, you can ask for your money back. You may also ask for a replacement, but that action seems futile under the circumstances.
D could also stand for double-hit. My friend, keeper and inspiration for this blog, the author of Stanford Lap, agreed with the thought that Stokes' was definitely a bump ball. But we also agreed that the bat comes through and hits the ball again to which a catch was taken and should have been adjudged OUT. How was this missed?
As I watch the Channel 9 coverage and see the wide array of fare that have to offer in the way of upcoming shows, a number of D words spring to mind. The Warnie biopic /comedy looks like a winner (snigger, chortle) - possible DISASTER of a program. Then "The Longest Feud - Chappell vs Botham" could be mistaken for Waldorf and Statler from the Muppets. Pair if DUMMKOPFS.
Perhaps the most controversial D of them all in this test (and to be honest most tests) is the Drunken Random Suggestions system, commonly known as the DRS. I'm still not convinced that the system has been upgraded since they used Angus Fraser in the 1990's to help them with the modelling and
ball tracking for the original system. What the hell happened with Jonny Bear Cram's decision overturn. There is no way that ball was missing the stumps - I know he's batting out of his crease, but the guy is 4 foot 11 and needs to stand on a chair to look under the kitchen table. Also, his injury has been well reported, (and body shaming is bad boys and girls) but 2 inches taller and he's be a circle.
Captain Cummins continues to be a poor exponent of the review. Obviously I hope it doesn't cost Australia a test victory, but the last review he made off his own bowling (as in no one convinced him to use it) and the result was the ball missed bat and gloves by 6.4 inches and the Aussies burnt their last review.
Rule number 1 for asking a review. The bowler cannot request a review - even if they are the captain. They are horrible judges! Why is that? Let me see, you're asking a person that is running to the crease at 25 km/h, jumps in the air to deliver the ball, could possibly be facing their lead foot at the time of impact with the pad or bat due to the fact that
8 times their body weight is being absorbed by their front leg - and then they are supposed to make an informed judgement on the details of their delivery going approximately 140 km/h from the release point of their hand - sure, let's ask that guy (face slap emoji). You may have noticed also that The Conductor
(Loose Bus Change) no longer has any voting rights - he is possibly the worst reviewer in history!
It really was an enthralling night (bugger, should have saved that for tomorrow and E is for...) and myself and other cricket enthusiasts have found this test riveting. The swings of momentum have been numerous and vicious. I don't think I've ever seen a first over of a test day begin like that before - absolutely nuts! Dud attempting, then completing reverse sweeps off the quicks when the smart money was on consolidation of position.
England, true to form, were as flamboyant as ever - almost 7 per over for the first hour. It felt like there was going to be a declaration. It was very Bazball. The goal was quick runs rather than personal glory. The top score for the innings was Dud's 46, along with Ellen's 46 (Harry Brook - I toyed with Donny as a nickname because as my good friend Stu, described his face as "very punchable", but I'm a lover not a fighter, so I've settled to name him after a champion of workplace relations,
Ellen DeGeneres. Plus, with his helmet on, he really looks like Ellen (thanks Stu); at least as much as Dud does - I feel the article below was leaked by Anne Heche, and it was more to do with
Joe's nickname, than any resemblance that may exist.
Prior to that, Captain Cummins produced a jaffa to remove Francis I (Pope), however, many of the dismissals were contributed to through rash shot making as opposed to sustained pressure from the bowlers. The Greenkeeper and Captain ended up with 4 wickets a piece. Now onto the run chase. 281 to win, one run shy of the total set for the Green Caps in 2005 and we all know how that ended. Heartache after daring to dream the impossible. Surely the same could not happen again...
I knew tonight was going to be a struggle. I was excited to watch the run chase but micro sleeps were turning into naps during play. Despite getting home late from Parent Teacher Interviews, I managed to last to 3am. Australia were cruising with The Pool Cleaner and The Pro playing well within themselves to make it to 50 for no loss. Surely, the score in the morning upon waking from 3 hours of rest would be similarly favourable...
Day 5 here we come.
JT
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