Ivo Francis Walter Bligh, the 8th Earl of Darnley.

This is a question I've been fielding for the past month and a half. I've had plenty of practice fielding this type of question from a very early age. My father and step mum (both luddites when it came to the fine game of cricket) would regularly ask, "Who's winning?" while I was listening to the radio or watching Ritchie B on Channel 9. One can't blame my eldest. Baseball is his game and the game of cricket is as far removed from him as the current West Indian team to the ones that dominated the sport in the 1970's and 80's.  After losing the second half of Day 4 due to inclement London weather, play resumed slightly late due to more sky beers falling on the playing arena. Two overs from the end of yesterday's play, The Blue Caps successfully petitioned to have the ball changed, under rule 72.3.7 if the current ball has no life, a new one may be taken to cause Australia strife - Shakespeare was a sitting member of the MCC when the original rules ...

There are many reasons why a man gets married. Lifelong partner, a mother for his children, someone to remind you that you're a knob sometimes. The latter is how I felt watch Stuart Broad's announcement of retirement on the edge of The Oval playing arena with the Sky Sport commentators. I was reminded by the 51% shareholder of our household that sometimes I continue to judge someone long after an unsavoury act - especially as that said person may have grown or matured. As our family watched his magnanimous words and respect for the game, the name Draco seemed to slip into the past, and Broad re-entered the conversation. My justification of derision towards his antics and behaviours became as childish as a maid of honour having a tantrum at her sister's wedding as the happy couple perform their wedding dance to the same song she did two years prior. I mean "Bed of Roses" by Jon Bon Jovi is a good song, but did either couple really listen to the lyrics - "Tonig...

As we sat down after dinner, child in the shower, me a bit dazed from having one ginger beer with the mandatory Voltaren after a game of baseball (that's the American version of Bazball), this question came to me from the other side of the couch. On offer, just after the Giants had upset the Dogs in the AFL, was the Swans vs Bombers; the heavyweights of France vs Brazil in the Women's World Cup; the guaranteed one-sided affair of the Bledisloe Cup from Melbourne (seriously, how does one side win a two horse competition 22 years in a row - it baffles me! And they wonder why Rugby is the fourth football code in this country); and of course the Ashes. My reply was "You can pick whatever you want to watch", knowing that the red wine and turkey I slipped into dinner would cause a premature bedtime, and allow me to watch the cricket earlier. The first part of the England innings was viewed via the written commentary option on the Cricket Australia app. It was quite disconce...

This is how I might have woken my wife when I got into bed after Day 2's play. The first reply was "What? I don't know what that is?" I excitedly replied he's the Australian first drop and was is rated the second best batter in the world according to current ICC rankings. Her response after approx 4 seconds of silence was a long exhale and a roll over grabbing the doona that momentarily could have represented a crocodile in northern Queensland in the process of taking down another tourist unaware of the impending danger. As the Australians resume their innings on 61 for the loss of The Pool Cleaner, there was clear evidence that this blog had made it into the dressing sheds. The theme of the Tortoise and the Hare was one introduced for the series, with the Green Caps getting out to a rapid start. However, when playing from in front, is there a need for haste? The Conductor doesn't think so. with a strike rate of 10 at the beginning of the days play, there were...

"Is there more cricket on? I thought it was over. I thought Australia won." This is how my flicking of channels was greeted by the 51% shareholder in household affairs. For the next 7 minutes I thought I explained the delicate balance between winning a series and retaining 'the urn' quite well. However my explanation was met with a reply that I think was a little uncalled for - "I don't care, you watch what you want, I'll look at my phone." I opted out of suggesting that this could be "our little activity that we could do once every four years - make The Oval Test a bit like a ritual date night that stretched for a minimum of three, but hopefully five nights". My reading of the room left me with my Spidey senses tingling and deciding that silence was the best option from this point on... There is a lot of sport on at the moment, and this Saturday night seems like it will be a veritable tsunami of sport (Ashes, Wallabies, Swans/Giants, plus ...

The first step = don't lose the Ashes. Tick. The rain in Manchester for 5 of the last 6 scheduled sessions has meant that the Aussies have retimed Ashes. The situation was far from ideal. However, cricket has been hampered by rain for many years in the past, and will continue to be in the future. England played great cricket for much of this test, and it's unfortunate that this result has removed some of the incentive for well-played, hard-nosed test cricket in the final test at The Oval - named like it would be if an Aussie was in charge - "We've got a green space in the shape of an oval. What should we call it?" There's not a lot to cover from Day 5 at Manchester. Not a ball was bowled. There were prayers for rain from southern hemisphere spectators, prayers for sun from those in the north, and prayers for a draw from sports betting agencies, who were taking the draw at $4 just before the toss. Either way, 70 years ago, in a football game between Duke and Na...

It's easier to start well than play catch-up, and while the Tortoise and the Hare is a cautionary tale of how you should finish strong, geez it's easier when you start off in a strong position. Aussie fans finished their dinner in the eastern states and switched on their televisions to see the welcome visions of this: The funniest thing about seeing these pictures was most spectators had sought drier areas from which to swill local ales. But the English cricket team took the opportunity to pretend it wasn't really raining - perhaps a version of a Jedi mind trick that Yoda Baz taught them. The entire first session was a write-off, and it looked as though the entire day could go the same way. However, a pause in the falling sky-beers, and an amazing ground that drains moisture quicker than... (actually, I'll leave that one alone) and the covers were off and we had us some cricket played (darn!). England's tails were up and they could smell blood. With the Smudge in th...

Watching today's play made me think of a few different scenes from famous pop culture examples: The Simpsons: Rocky IV: Then in the Marvel Universe: England were just too good, and Australia were just so bad. It's a dangerous combination! Spoke and Ellen continued to pile on the pain as the Green Caps continued to conduct their experiment of short bowling. There were some ex players that were perhaps of a different opinion to those within the Aussie brains trust: Darren "Chuck" Berry I think summed up the situation quite well. My favourite line from the tweet above is this: "A fast ball at the stumps to the No. 11 gets him out. I'm shocked. What a circus." He also referred to the following: Is Cummins going? The decisions by the Aussie hierarchy: bowling lengths, selections (gee, they could use a spinner today that doesn't get pumped for 2-3 boundaries per over), fielding positions, and the inexplicable decision to continue with the same cameramen wh...

No, not the band. Though their hit song "End of the Road" off the album CooleyHighHarmony , does seem apt after today's day of play (insert sad face emoji). It was like watch men play against boys, almost as one sided as the 2022 AFL Grand Final (Sorry Matt - too soon?). The Green Caps added just 20 to their overnight total, but Woakes took his 5th wicket for the innings by claiming the prized scalp of Josh Hazelnuts. Aussies out for 317 from 90 overs, and that's mainly due to Tony Starc's red ink of 36 - attributed to using his wife's bat .  However, I think the key story today is Postman Pat. I'm only 45 and have been watching Test Cricket for a paltry 33 years, but I don't think I have seen a captain have a worse day of cricket than Pat during Day 2 of the 4th Test. while his efforts could not be described as "village" or like one of my favourite village clips , it was pretty bad. Can I just say from the outset, that he doesn't have m...

Well, almost - it was on the 4th June 1993 - but i wanted a catchy title. "Hands up who thinks there should be a spinner in the line up?"  Most of you would know what ball and when it happened; it's definitely one of the Top 5 Ashes moments. For those that have no idea what I'm talking about - enjoy ! The thing that surprises me most about this ball as I re-watch it is that Brendan Julian got to bowl 5 overs before The King bowled his first ball in his first Ashes campaign. Now getting onto spin, I heard various news outlets say that the Aussies are entering the 4th Test without a spinner - unusual for Manchester, and to which some are disappointed: Travis has right to be dirty too. As far as selectors are concerned, the Green Caps are carrying 5 all rounders into this test. With the prospect of rain, the Aussies have been training in a most novel way. This version of tennis cricket definitely gets the "hand-eye" going. But enough of alternate training tec...

Welcome back. Back to work and I'm inundated with things to complete with not enough time. I know, I'll put that off and write another blog entry... Plenty of things to talk about as we approach Wednesday's start to the all important Fourth Test. Given draws have been taken out of the equation because of Bazball, it seems that whoever wins the "Tussle at Trafford" - just a working title, will win the Ashes for 2023. One of the main things to address is the Aussie top order. Given the top 4 (minus Uzzie) have only 1 ton and 1 fifty between them in the last 18 innings, it is not the usual consistent performance we've become accustomed to.  The new boss of Cricket Australia, former NSW Premier, Mike Baird, has a solution. He's going to open the batting in place of The Pool Cleaner. In the spirit of like for like, Mr. Baird is a lefty, but if we're serious about minimising Draco Malfoy's impact of bowling great areas from around the wicket, perhaps we ...

 It's funny how people can think alike from time to time. I was skiing down an icy run off the main quad chair off Mt. Perisher, thinking there is a very real chance I may die on this slope today. But then I thought, what am I going to do tonight - there's not cricket because the Aussies ballsed up their second innings and continued bowling short shite at the Poms to try and force a mistake rather than resort to BBBB (bringing back boring bowling) i.e. line and length!!! Anyway a mate of mine messaged  and said why don't you do a chatGPT version for Day 5. He sent through this as an example: Write a blog post summary of day 2 of the 3rd ashes test 2023 based on the writing style and humour of similar posts written on  https://aninsomniacsshesblog.blogspot.com   Title: Day 2 of the 3rd Ashes Test 2023: The Calamities Continue! Hey there, cricket fanatics and fellow insomniacs! Welcome back to our uproarious coverage of the 3rd Ashes Test 2023, where chaos reigns supre...