Lord's Day 1

 What's the craziest thing that could happen during the first session of a Lord's Test?

- Two wickets off the opening over of the Test,

- A ramp shot for six runs off the fresh Duke,

- Two pitch invaders demonstrating the use of fossil fuels, disrupting play in the second over, and then Ginger No.2 carrying one of them off the field like he was a toy bear. 

Seriously, if you guessed the last one, you need to buy a lottery ticket. 

As I heard this on the wireless while in transit from an 18th birthday dinner, I thought my ears must be deceiving me. No way that Bairstow the Bouncer carried a human 50 metres to the boundary without dropping him! 

The 'Just Stop Oil' campaign looked to halt play and cause an all mighty hoo-hah to oppose the use of fossil fuels. I'm no fashion expert (I'm regularly wearing clothes suggested by the 51% shareholder of the household) but those custom pants on Bouncer Bairstow's hug toy look like they're the product of the petroleum market. I also hope that the 3 of them (yes, there was a 69 year old lady who didn't enter the field of play - obviously hadn't finished her Pimms and Lemonade as it was only the second over of the game and she lined up for 46 minutes and paid 8 pounds for the privilege) mad it to the ground by bicycle or at least a 'green' Uber, otherwise the whole act comes across as slightly hypocritical.

While that act was entertaining, it wasn't a patch on Mel Jones' sledge of Bracelet part way through the second session. Dud, the newly appointed front line spinner for the English came onto bowl and early on in his spell bowled a Shahid Afridi-style bouncer at The Conductor (who easily evaded its viciousness) at approx. 124km/h; to which Ms. Jones responded with "To those wondering, that was just a couple of miles short of what (Bracelet) has been bowling today at 75 miles per hour." - Legend.

So what were they highlights on the pitch, when cricket was involved? Well, the Australian top order batting with grit (and to be fair, a little luck) when being sent in on a greenish wicket under cloudy skies. The Pool Cleaner and the The Pro almost got through to lunch before Ussie shouldered arms to a ball that hit the top of middle - equal parts poor judgement and a ball that did a bit. Warner batted busily for his 66 before becoming Josh Tongue's second victim. He was definitely pick of the bowlers and surely Fleet Street were asking, "Why no Tongue in the First Test?" or "Bazball is better with Tongue!" 

England's bowling left a lot to be desired. Poor length allowed the Australians to play to their strengths and another gem by Head ensured the Green Caps would finish the day on top. His dismissal, along with The Giraffe with another lack lustre batting performance meant England had a sniff of rolling the Aussies within 100 of the average first innings score at Lord's.

But with Smith still there on 85, a big total is on the cards....

How could you possibly top today, tomorrow?

JT